Lonley

Sitting in my dorm room right now, with my roommate out (my other roommate dropped out of school).
Feeling a little lonely as usual without the company of others.
I remember at the beginning of the year, where I felt perfectly content without the company of others. In fact, I enjoyed just taking a stroll out by myself. I would confidently look onwards and straight ahead to my destination.
I don't know what changed, but I rarely go out now, and when I do...my gaze is downward cast, fearing to look anyone in the eyes. I feel so introverted. I miss some of the friends I had made. I don't understand why and how I had lost contact with them and how my life has become like this.
I would rather be in a group of friends, feeling lonely than to be by myself and feeling alone.
Regardless of whether I have company or not, I would feel lonely.
Along with the rush of life, I think I have lost myself. I'm different from the me in the beginning of the year, and I don't know if I like it.
Yes, I am more mature now, but the me in the beginning was so..bright, so exciting yet, sensible.
Now, I'm dull, systematic.

I don't know what I have done wrong.
Why do you guys keep walking away?
I hope that things can get better.
I want my friends and I to talk again.

I want to stop crying.

On top of the world.

Have you ever felt like you were on top of the world, and nothing could bring you down?
You just feel satisfied with your life, and you don't want any more or less than that?
You feel like, if your life ended right now, you would be okay with it because you've felt like you lived.
And at the same time you're scared to die because life is amazing, and you don't want it to stop.

That was my life a month ago.
Until it all came crashing down.
I'm picking up the bits and pieces now, and I'm starting to feel the happiness I once felt.
I still wonder, if I could go back, could I have fixed things?

What a depressing post.
I wanted to post an outfit of the day, but I haven't edited it yet :(
pooie, I'm too lazy and busy.

The countdown begins!

It will be a week before I have to move!!! I'm starting to get nervous, while at the same time, I feel...the same. However, I feel like my summer has been cut short. A few of my friends have already started to move in, and I haven't hung out with them during the summer!
In one week, I will be one of them who will be moving on, and living on my own. I've started to collect supplies, but I still feel like I'm missing so many!
I haven't bought books yet, but people recommend that I wait because I might not need it.
I knew school was expensive, but I never really..I don't know, believe it? It just become more real when it happens.

I'm mostly worried about social life though. I'm...how should I say, and introvert? I may appear as an extrovert, but it's hard for me to make friends. However, I've become to be able to talk much easier. However, I've got to learn how to be more safe. = =
아이씨, 바보.....

eeeekkkk gggaaaadddd

I feel like an android....I've been uhh 'studying' and I think it went well.
I had a chemistry exam today, and it went...very well. A little too well...it's too suspicious. I didn't freak out, or stumble too much. I finished things right on time, with a little bit to spare to check like, 2-3 times. I finished multiple choice a little bit earlier than recommended time...
hmmm....either I'm really good, or I'm so cocky but did horrible. I hope it's the first option :s I'm supposed to be majoring in chem...LOL sad sad life.

So...I'm actually feeling sick right now. During my exam, I didn't have a tissue, so I was sniffling the whole time. It was horrible. I would just wipe my nose, and snot will cover my sleeve. Too much information? I think so. I don't even know why I started to feel so sick.
ugh, I hope I get better soon!

toothache!

danngg! I have the worst toothache right now. And right before exams too. I can't concentrate because I can feel the throbbing pain. I can actually see part of my face swelling.
I hate hate hate my teeth. Despite getting braces, I don't feel like they are perfect yet. I feel like they need more work done.
I still don't smile that much, because I hate how I look when I smile. D:

Exams!!

I've decided to make this blog, not only a makeup blog, but just a blog for my personal entertainment. When I feel the need to write my emotions and my events.
I want to be able to look back on this blog and just think "ohhh yeahhhh..." or even "omg...I'm so imature...= =''' "
xD

Anyways. Exam stress is getting to me. I've been studying chemistry all day long, and it's wearing me out. I see my peers, and some of them seem to be doing just fine, they seem to be coasting. For some reason, I feel like I'm the only one putting in effort.


OMFG. I just made a HUGE post...and all that's above was salvaged.
I want to cry. I no longer feel appreciation. I feel devastation.

What I had originally written was something similar to this:

lalalala something about something lalala

OH. I asked friend about their osap potential funding. Turns out, her amount is the same as mine. I felt cheated from the world.
My parents have 3 children(including me) who work day and night(literally, they own their own business) who wouldnt be able to pay for my education if not for osap.
Where as, my friend who is an only child who owns a gucci wallet, macbook, going to china this year and cuba. Oh, and did I mention her father has a hidden income?
I wanted to go to china this year, but me going will set my family into a big huge debt, I potentially won't even be able to go to school.
I feel so cheated that I, someone who really needs the money, is getting the same amount as someone who is privileged enough to have their parents pay.

I feel the world is so unfair...
you know what? I shouldn't feel that way.
I should appreciate what the world has to give. I should appreciate the quality education I get.
With out family situation, I normally wouldn't even be going to school right now if not for OSAP and wonderful canada.

Well, I bid you farewell. I shall sleep tonight appreciating the world just this much more.

-END SUMMARY-
that was the post I was supposed/did write. Well, it's gone now. I'm gonna sleep being bitter.
Damn world. why?! *shakes fist* = =

Time passes by so fast

It's about time for me to submit university applications, and i'm scared. I'm still not exactly sure what I want to be. I may want to be a dentist(I wanted to be a dr, but threw that idea out the window)...or an accountant(it's only a last resort), or real estate...other than that, I'm still not sure. I still can't see myself doing any of these things. All of the courses I took were math and science. I can't do anything with that! No business, no com sci, etc etc....
:'( I'm planning to apply to waterloo and u of t, but I want to get add more choices. Sigh, life if so hard.


Also, Grad photos are coming up, and the realization of me growing up hit me. It's been four years since i've entered this school. Four years I've learned, chilled, ate lunch with these people. Some, I don't like, some I'll miss, some I won't. What I'm scared of, is not keeping in touch with good friends. I have a tendency where I get tired of people. Like, I usually don't like to go out too much, and if we don't go to the same school, I don't put in the same effort. I'm just scared tha ti'll drift away from good friends because of my nature.
Anyways, I'm still not sure how photos are gonna be taken!! :\\ It says on the pamphlet to take changes of clothes, accessories, and we can take group shots too.

ON to good news, I'm going to order from gmarket again...ahahah yes again ^^;;;
: P money is currently being transferred~~ Can't wait for items!

BURNED

-Warning, just a rant post-

I've burned my gums...:( it's at the roof of my mouth, in the area where my from teeth are...
I mean, it's not horrible, but the bad thing is...i have retainers!! If there's just something off, my retainers will feel off. Right now, the area that's burned feels swollen, and large...
How did i get burned..? ^^;; well...I ate some hot food...ahahahhaha but it's so bothersome right now. I've even checked on a mirror, and holy it looks like I cut it up or something. :\
I normally wouldn't care so much, but swollen gums + retainers(the clear kind)=worst feeling ever. I feel like it's being squished and the feeling never goes away. If i were to remove my retainers, my teeth are gonna go bad again. :'(

*shoves retainer into mouth*