Oh boy.... As an anguish teen, this thought runs through my head all the time. I've never went through with it though.
I don't know how many times when I was younger where I wish that I wasn't alive. I was a shy kid, and I hated being alone. Majority of my childhood was spent by myself.
Yes, I have cut myself. Not something I'm proud of. It really isn't healthy, and yes, I have thoughts of re-lapsing, but I haven't cut myself for 5 years. I don't think I could do it again, it's not worth it. So if you have the strength, please stop. Life get's better. Trust me on this. I know.
Now, as a young teen, I was quite depressed. Going through puberty, with my parents working, I never got to see them. I had to grow up quickly, and with the wide array of hormones popping up in my body, I was overly emotional. I wanted my parents around, but they were never there for me. They had to provide for us. We didn't have a lot of money growing up, despite what it may seem.
In some ways, I really craved attention, and that was one of the ways. If they saw me hurting, they might pay attention to me. They might notice how much I'm hurting emotionally.
There was one time, where I took off the screen mesh of my window, and just climbed out to look at the stars. A lot had been happening at school, and I didn't necessarily wanted to jump, but if I fell...it wouldn't have mattered to me.
But anyways, I have thought of suicide, more than once. And I still get those thoughts every so often. It doesn't necessarily mean I act upon them thought.
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